Hit a down point recently. Try as I might, I just can't seem to control my emotions. Loads of things going through my mind, can't seem to block them out. Mistakes, regrets, sometimes I wondered how things would turn out if I did things differently back then. Guess what someone said was true. I'm a pessimist. I don't find myself thinking about the good stuff that happened before, just the negative side of things hovering over my mind. Sometimes I really wondered, what would it be like if life were to end right now. I'm sick and tired of everything already. The future seems bleak. There's nothing pushing me forwards, only things weighing on me, dragging me backwards. Fatigued, lacking the motivation to carry on. Even what used to doesn't work anymore. I don't see the goal i'm working towards, everything's been covered in a gloomy dark mist. I know I shouldn't, but I just can't. Heart and mind telling me different things now. One's totally irrational and illogical, while the other seems kinda like the right thing to do always. I've always been doing those stupid stuffs, only to regret it later. Our future lies in our own hands? Then i've ruined my own future for the past 15 years. I've lost that willpower that I used to have and I can't get it back anymore. Ich bin nur eine Last.

Somehow I get the feeling that I've wasted almost 16 years of my parent's lives taking care of me, only to let then down time and time again. I've been a disgrace. I'm sorry.

Dawn/Dusk/Kueh
02081994
Xinmin Secondary

Hit a down point recently. Try as I might, I just can't seem to control my emotions. Loads of things going through my mind, can't seem to block them out. Mistakes, regrets, sometimes I wondered how things would turn out if I did things differently back then. Guess what someone said was true. I'm a pessimist. I don't find myself thinking about the good stuff that happened before, just the negative side of things hovering over my mind. Sometimes I really wondered, what would it be like if life were to end right now. I'm sick and tired of everything already. The future seems bleak. There's nothing pushing me forwards, only things weighing on me, dragging me backwards. Fatigued, lacking the motivation to carry on. Even what used to doesn't work anymore. I don't see the goal i'm working towards, everything's been covered in a gloomy dark mist. I know I shouldn't, but I just can't. Heart and mind telling me different things now. One's totally irrational and illogical, while the other seems kinda like the right thing to do always. I've always been doing those stupid stuffs, only to regret it later. Our future lies in our own hands? Then i've ruined my own future for the past 15 years. I've lost that willpower that I used to have and I can't get it back anymore. Ich bin nur eine Last.

Somehow I get the feeling that I've wasted almost 16 years of my parent's lives taking care of me, only to let then down time and time again. I've been a disgrace. I'm sorry.