Maybe it really is true. It's such circumstances that allow you to step back and look at the big picture and it's then, that you realise the cold, hard truth. It's something that I've been trying to deceive myself of. Why can't I live in this delusion of mine?

Eyes closed, afraid to face myself and the reality. Doors locked, afraid to trouble. Fists clenched, afraid to let go. Feet stuck, afraid to move on. Mind in a mess, dwelling on the past, afraid to forget. But why? I don't get the reason behind it all. No matter how much or how hard I try to reason it out, i can't figure it out. It all seemed like rash and irrational actions of mine, things I did without even considering anything, things I did at that moment of pique and overwhelming emotions.

Somehow I just wished I ain't who I am. Everytime I take a look at myself, from all kinds of different perspectives, I just get filled with disappointment and despair. To make matters worse, little things can get me thinking deeply into it. Maybe, just maybe, that's the reason behind it all.

Expectations, from people around me. Everytime, I just feel that i've failed them, time and time again. I've failed to reach their expectations and that cast me into deeper sorrow. On the surface it might seem that I've met their expectations, but I just can't stop myself from dwelling on it. Each time without fail, I find myself thinking deeper into it and the conclusion I always get, is that i've failed them, yet again. Pessimist? I guess so. Even my mum tells me that.

Groping my way through the darkness, I saw that little glimmer. I saw it, I felt it, before I could cling on to it, I lost it.

It will remain hidden within, for even I am confounded by it. The emotions are just too strong. It's complexed, and the only thing I really get is that I've been a letdown. To myself, to my parents, to everyone else around. It's what I've been feeling since last year, and until now, I still haven't gotten over it. It never failed to get me down time and time again. And this time, it felt like i've hit the deepest point.

Dawn/Dusk/Kueh
02081994
Xinmin Secondary

Maybe it really is true. It's such circumstances that allow you to step back and look at the big picture and it's then, that you realise the cold, hard truth. It's something that I've been trying to deceive myself of. Why can't I live in this delusion of mine?

Eyes closed, afraid to face myself and the reality. Doors locked, afraid to trouble. Fists clenched, afraid to let go. Feet stuck, afraid to move on. Mind in a mess, dwelling on the past, afraid to forget. But why? I don't get the reason behind it all. No matter how much or how hard I try to reason it out, i can't figure it out. It all seemed like rash and irrational actions of mine, things I did without even considering anything, things I did at that moment of pique and overwhelming emotions.

Somehow I just wished I ain't who I am. Everytime I take a look at myself, from all kinds of different perspectives, I just get filled with disappointment and despair. To make matters worse, little things can get me thinking deeply into it. Maybe, just maybe, that's the reason behind it all.

Expectations, from people around me. Everytime, I just feel that i've failed them, time and time again. I've failed to reach their expectations and that cast me into deeper sorrow. On the surface it might seem that I've met their expectations, but I just can't stop myself from dwelling on it. Each time without fail, I find myself thinking deeper into it and the conclusion I always get, is that i've failed them, yet again. Pessimist? I guess so. Even my mum tells me that.

Groping my way through the darkness, I saw that little glimmer. I saw it, I felt it, before I could cling on to it, I lost it.

It will remain hidden within, for even I am confounded by it. The emotions are just too strong. It's complexed, and the only thing I really get is that I've been a letdown. To myself, to my parents, to everyone else around. It's what I've been feeling since last year, and until now, I still haven't gotten over it. It never failed to get me down time and time again. And this time, it felt like i've hit the deepest point.