这其中还带有什么意义呢？

Spending a Sunday alone at home feels like something new to me but it gave me time to think about what I've been doing with my life. Laying on bed wondering, is that really where I belong? I don't know. After a year or so I haven't found my place, I feel as though I haven't fit in. There used to be something that's keeping me going, something that made me feel that I'm not alone but now it's gone. That left me lost, totally lost. Now it just seems as though those aren't suitable for me. Whether or not, I don't know and I will never know. I know I shouldn't but I can't help but doubt. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm giving it another shot. One shot, that's it.

At times it really feels awkward. There are the times when I felt unworthy for I lacked those skills that seemed essential. I was never one of those artsy fartsy people, music never was my thing. But then it seemed that one couldn't do without it. There were the times, when my incompetency affected them all. There is nothing I have to offer, nothing I have to give, for I'm incompetent and weak. But now it's all too late, for it's something I cannot pick up at any time and I'll forever stay inferior, for it's lacking within me. 有时感到自己好无能，但又不能够改变自己， 这感受真痛苦。。

As CNY approaches, it made me feel even worse. As my family engaged in all that activities that left me in a dilemma. Follow or not to follow? It was then when I wondered, where do I really belong? Either way, something big is at stake. Can I really have the best of both worlds? Or must I really make a choice? Has the time come for me to make a decision? 我能够做到吗？

I guess I've made too many commitments. To myself, to others. But somehow I can't get myself to do it. I really don't know what lies in front of me. Left or right? Go straight or U-turn? I'm just blindly making my way through it all. I wanna let go, let go of everything I'm holding on to and start anew. But am I able to?

To be honest, I really don't know what was happening in my life for the past year. I'm just living each day as it is. I doubt I've grown or changed any much for that past year. 我不配。

This just reminds me of the period of time in 2009, when I felt like letting go but didn't know how to, for I'm afraid to hurt. That one month dragged on and on, before I finally got the courage to say no. The pain dragged on too. Strong and happy on the outside, weak on the inside.

I don't have to cry to show that I'm weak, neither do I have to smile to show that I'm fine. I don't have to put on a show for anyone, all I have to do is be myself. Easier said than done.

I hope it's just rash thinking on my part. I really do. I hope this feeling will fade away. I hope things can be just like how it was in the past. I hope this is really the right thing to do. I hope I will not live to regret. I hope I will make the right decision. I hope I'll be accepted for who I am. I hope this won't be the last. I hope I'll make it back there again. I hope...

Will 2011 be the last? 难道时间真的到了？

Dawn/Dusk/Kueh
02081994
Xinmin Secondary

这其中还带有什么意义呢？

Spending a Sunday alone at home feels like something new to me but it gave me time to think about what I've been doing with my life. Laying on bed wondering, is that really where I belong? I don't know. After a year or so I haven't found my place, I feel as though I haven't fit in. There used to be something that's keeping me going, something that made me feel that I'm not alone but now it's gone. That left me lost, totally lost. Now it just seems as though those aren't suitable for me. Whether or not, I don't know and I will never know. I know I shouldn't but I can't help but doubt. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm giving it another shot. One shot, that's it.

At times it really feels awkward. There are the times when I felt unworthy for I lacked those skills that seemed essential. I was never one of those artsy fartsy people, music never was my thing. But then it seemed that one couldn't do without it. There were the times, when my incompetency affected them all. There is nothing I have to offer, nothing I have to give, for I'm incompetent and weak. But now it's all too late, for it's something I cannot pick up at any time and I'll forever stay inferior, for it's lacking within me. 有时感到自己好无能，但又不能够改变自己， 这感受真痛苦。。

As CNY approaches, it made me feel even worse. As my family engaged in all that activities that left me in a dilemma. Follow or not to follow? It was then when I wondered, where do I really belong? Either way, something big is at stake. Can I really have the best of both worlds? Or must I really make a choice? Has the time come for me to make a decision? 我能够做到吗？

I guess I've made too many commitments. To myself, to others. But somehow I can't get myself to do it. I really don't know what lies in front of me. Left or right? Go straight or U-turn? I'm just blindly making my way through it all. I wanna let go, let go of everything I'm holding on to and start anew. But am I able to?

To be honest, I really don't know what was happening in my life for the past year. I'm just living each day as it is. I doubt I've grown or changed any much for that past year. 我不配。

This just reminds me of the period of time in 2009, when I felt like letting go but didn't know how to, for I'm afraid to hurt. That one month dragged on and on, before I finally got the courage to say no. The pain dragged on too. Strong and happy on the outside, weak on the inside.

I don't have to cry to show that I'm weak, neither do I have to smile to show that I'm fine. I don't have to put on a show for anyone, all I have to do is be myself. Easier said than done.

I hope it's just rash thinking on my part. I really do. I hope this feeling will fade away. I hope things can be just like how it was in the past. I hope this is really the right thing to do. I hope I will not live to regret. I hope I will make the right decision. I hope I'll be accepted for who I am. I hope this won't be the last. I hope I'll make it back there again. I hope...

Will 2011 be the last? 难道时间真的到了？